Entry #4

         Today, A friend of mine asked me, "kumusta?". The question was very simple, in fact i could just answer I'm fine, but then i did not. I did not answer the question at all, why? Because I don't know what to answer, because i know deep down inside I am not fine at all. It is like I am losing a purpose to live each day. I am so caught up with my daily routine of wake up-work-go home-sleep-repeat, that I forgot to live. I'm starting to question myself, where are you? You're slowly turning to pieces. I feel empty. What I do, it does not fulfill me. I forgot God along the way, i feel like i exchanged Him for the pleasure of this world, I am losing my ministry, the connection I have in Him, I am losing my identity, my heart, me.

    Am I enough Lord? Enough pa ba yung ginagawa ko para sayo? O parang wala na talaga ako nagagawa para sayo? Is this the wake up call Lord? Nakakalimutan na po ba kita kaya i feel empty kasi nalalayo na po ako sayo? Help me Lord. 😭😭 Hindi ko kaya.

Entry #3

KANDILA


Ako ay parang isang kandilang nauupos, pag-asa ko ay unti unting nauubos. Parang kandila, liwanag ko'y unti unting dumidilim, humihina, paligid ko ay di ko na halos makita. Nasaan na ang apoy na sa aking mata noo'y nakikita? Ano nga ba ang nangyari? Nasaan na nga ba ang ako dati?

Ang paligid ay gumiginaw, hangin ay umiihip, napapatay nito ang liwanag na mula sa aki'y sumisilip. Mga problema ko'y parang hangin, mga bagyo, di ko alam paano ko mapaglalabanan ang mga ito. Ang apo'y na aking iningatan, pinagsumikapan, akin na lang bang hahayaan? Sa pagpupumilit kong magbigay liwanag sa buhay ng iba, sarili ko ay nakalimutan ko yata? Sa pagtuklas ko sa mundo, sarili ko ay naiwala ko, ito'y di ko napansing naglalaho.

Ngayon paligid ko'y tuluyan ng dumilim. Tahimik lahat at taimtim. Wala akong marinig, wala pati ang aking tinig? Ang apoy ko ay nawala, sarili ko'y di ko na maalala. Sino na nga ba ako? Ako pa ba ito? O ako ay anino na lamang ng aking nakaraang pagkatao?

Sa kadiliman ako ay lumuha, humihingi ng tulong sa lumikha. Nais kong lumayo, hanapin ang sariling naiwala ko. Ngunit ang lumikha ay di papayag, na ako ay mapalayo at maglayag. Nais niyang ako'y magtiwala, na siya ang bahala. Na ako'y pumanatag dahil siya ay matatag at di matitinag.

Marahil kaya ako ganito, siya ay kinalimutan ko. Sa pagpupumilit kong magliwanag sa mundo, nakalimutan kong siya ang gabay ko. Nawaglit sa aking isipan, pagtanggap ng mundo ay di ko kailangan, na ang mundo ay parang isang kulungan. Sarili ay naiwala sa pagpupumilit na sa mundo'y pumasa, nakalimutan kong ang pagtanggap lang ng lumikha ay sapat na. Ang pamantayan ng lipunan ay di ko  pala kailangan abutin, isipin.

Aking dapat tandaan, siya na lumikha ay namatay, upang ako ay mabuhay, siya ay nawalan ng hininga para ako ay guminhawa. Ako ay di karapat-dapat, ngunit ako ay kanyang minahal ng tapat. Ako'y di dapat maupos na parang kandila, dahil ako ay mahal ng lumikha.

Entry #2

I always try to be strong, I always see to it that everyone see me smile, that I'm fine, that I am just having a bad day sometimes. They never know that things just keep on piling up in my head, they cloud my mind continuously until there is no space left anymore for me to think on how to be happy again. This world made me believe that life would be easy at some point, but no, it is a series of winning or losing.


In this point in my life, I just want to rest. I want to find the old me that I lost while trying to please everyone around me. The "me" that I lost while I was trying my best to reach for my goals and forgot that I need to live and not just exist. I just need to find my old self who sees that good in everyday, who sees that there is something good in everyone's heart, who never holds grudges, who never cares about the opinion of others, who always have that genuine smile and who knows that God will always be on her side so she does not need to worry. I just want to be me again.


I hope that someone can just hug me right now and tap my shoulder and say everythings gonna be alright, that I did a good job, that yes I made mistakes but I also made good decisions, that he/she is proud of who I am today. I just want to feel like I am on the right path and I am not ruining my future, that I AM DOING A GOOD JOB.

Entry #1

I never questioned my worth before. So why now?

I am Princess, daughter of God, a King. Why am I doubting myself, what I can do, my worth, everything that I am. Why? Why do I feel like I am not enough for anyone? It's like I have not achieved something yet. Why? Bakit unti unting lumiliit ang tingin ko sa sarili ko?

Bakit kailangan ko umabot sa point na to?

An Open Letter for Parents

Writing this open letter not to shame anyone, not to let others make fun of it but because i need to take it out somewhere.

Dear Parents.
   Thank You for bringing us out in this world. Thank you, knowing that we were conceive out of love. Thank you for giving us every thing we need even if it means you have to sacrifice a lot.

   We understand sometimes you have a lot goin' on, in your work, in your life, in your marriage, in our family. Sorry that we can't do anything about it. Sorry that we still add to your burdens. Sorry that a lot of times we never pay attention when you have problems, it's like we don't care, but we do and we believe that doing nothing is best than doing something and it may turn out wrong. We try to avoid involving ourselves with things we know we can't control or we can't put solutions to. Sorry.

  This open letter is written to give awareness to every parents out there. We your children are not blind, we are not deaf and definitely we understand everything that there is.

  I was born in a family, where God is the center. While growing up, I never once saw my parents quarrel, until today.

Questioning myself, Am i too sensitive? And came up with an answer, No I'm not. I'm just not used to seeing them scream at each other, throw things and etc. I understand every person have their own battles in life, it may cause a person to be moody all the time. Can't help thinking, is this family still the family i grew up with?

  To all the parents out there I want you to know that it hurts us, to see our parents scream at each other. It is not a good example. I know there are no perfect parents out there but i hope you realize that there are children like me, who can't help but cry when i hear my parents shout everyday, who can't help feeling like my heart is being squeeze out. There are children out there like me, who look up to you, who consider you their role models. I hope you realize that shouting at each other will not resolve anything, yes it helps you release the anger but it adds up to your problems.

  One person dies every 40 seconds due to suicide. One of the major cause of it is problem in the family. We your children, we're not sensitive, but yes we are emotionally unstable, anyone who doesn't feel the love in their home, will not think twice to end his/her life. I hope you dear parents can realized how important you are to us. How important your relationship with each other to us. We know you're not perfect, we're not asking for you to be. But I hope you learn to solve things without shouting, screaming and throwing things.


Thank you.
And know that we love you.
 

 




 

#Blog143

I read this story about a girl who was writing blogs, not just blogs but it was about what happens to her in her everyday life, things she can't share to those people around her that's why she just wrote them on her blog. It was entitled #blog143, written in wattpad, it was cute story pero nakarelate ako, nainspire tuloy ako sumulat ulit dito sa blog ko..

Isa pa narealize ko na, kaya pala favorite ko yung kantang tadhana, hahahahaha now I know.

Isa pang dahilan bakit ako nakarelate is the fact that they were best of friends. And she was harboring feelings for her bff. It was a cliche story pero i realize na ganun talaga, sa pagkakaibigan ng babae at lalaki minsan di mo maiiwasan may maiinlove.

Anyway, haba na ng break ko, dami kong time shocks. Aral na ulit ako. Natuwa lang talaga ko dun sa story. Paraaaangggggg gusto ko rin tuloy isulat yung akin dito.. Charrrr... Osiya laterssss.

#SunFlowerLove #1