It's been a while.
This blog, served as my diary. It became a platform for my inner self, for all the things that I could not voice out. This blog is a witness for all the dramas in my life.
Matagal ko ng gustong sumulat dito, but since I don't have the time before and I really don't know where to start di ako nakakasulat. Since today we have this ECQ because of the virus, I have the time now, but it's still hard to start writing. I have a lot of thoughts but I can't organize them.
I remember 3 years ago I've read a story in wattpad about a girl writing a blog, she would write her everyday life and her feelings for her bestfriend na hindi niya masabi. Plot twist, nababasa pala nung bestfriend niya yung blog. I've written about that blog here and I remember I said that I also want to share mine in my blog. I actually wrote a few blogs about "My Bestfriend".
So here's a story.
I have this bestfriend, we were bestfriends since 2005, so yeah it's been 15 years. I've met him in church, Sunday school. We were clasmmates, naaalala ko jinojoke niya ngayon na matanda na kami na kinausap niya lang ako noon kasi daw kawawa ako wala akong kausap, kasi magkakaibigan na sila at magkakakilala when I started attending in their church. So salamat naman sa kanya at kinausap niya ako, buti nalang friendly siya, kidding aside,since then we were inseparable. We would always sit with each other, go to band practices together, play together, ride bikes together, we would always be with each other. We were that close until highschool, we were really just friends, no whatever. I remember our churchmates would always tease us with each other, pero magkaibigan lang talaga kami that time. My bestfriend would always give me gifts, regalo na pinaghirapan talaga, with efforts, I feel so special everytime i received those gifts and handwritten letters.
Then came our college days, nagsimula na kaming di magpansinan minsan, magiwasan, pero we're still friends, it's just that minsan may something na napapansin na kaming nagiiba, so we tend to not talk with each other for a while, then hahayaan lang and then we'll be ok na. Then nung malapit yung 18th birthday ko, we stop talking. Ito yung pinakamatagal kaming hindi nag-usap. I remember crying and I even thought na di na kami magiging ok, siguro dito ko napansin na "ay may iba na". We were not just bestfriends, for me that time alam ko na i feel something a lot more. Then on my 18th birthday, we talked. If there's one thing na I would always be thankful about our friendship, it is that we always talked things, not necessarily on the time na may something na mali, but after na makapagisip na kami we will surely talk. So on the night of my 18th birthday, they slept over, and we had those late night conversations, the most awkward conversation but thankful na we had it. I will never forget that night, because we talked about what we feel for each other that time, but we know na hindi pa time, we just said what we feel then let it go. We stick to being just the best of friends. When we were both in college, we never lost connection even though we were literally miles apart, we were still best friends. We would talk via texts, phone calls, chats, but not everyday. We can usually go weeks without talking and still we're ok. There were times na months bago kami magkita because of school, pero it was ok. There were times na naffrustrate ako, because of what I feel about him, I will just keep it to myself. My friends know him by name. They know that he is my bestfriend, I usually don't tell stories about him to other people, kay ela lang (My bestfriend) and ela will usually tease me to him and spill stories about him sa mga kaibigan namin, so dun nila siya nakikilala. College days, yes peer pressure is everywhere, lahat may boyfriend and all, then tatanungin ka pa lagi kung bakit ikaw wala pa, I will always say na "Baka po mabaliw nako pag nagboyfriend pa ako" because of how hard my course was. Yes, minsan naiisip ko noon na masaya magkaboyfriend, but I know as well na hindi pa time, and I thank my bestfriend kasi sa sobrang pag papafeel niya na special ako, mas lalo ko di naisip na magboyfriend. He would give me gifts kahit walang occasions, hand written letters, surprises and others, so yeah thank you kasi may bestfriend ako kahit wala akong boyfriend. Everytime I would feel frustrations back then about our friendship, I would usually rant and write them here in my blog. Plot twist: kagaya nung nabasa ko na story, e nababasa niya rin pala tong blog na to. sobrang drama ko pa man din noon sa blog na to. Kaya pala, kaya pala sa tuwing nagddrama ako, pag hindi kami ok bigla he will give answers, he will try to make me ok. Kasi pala nalalaman niya (Disclaimer: recently ko nalang to nalaman). There were a lot of times na I thought of giving up, gusto ko nalang kalimutran yung feelings ko, I remember nagdadasal pa ako kay Lord noon na tanggalin nalang niya kung hindi din naman niya will and if it will just ruin our friendship, pero si Lord may plano.
Finally graduate na kami, i took the boards and passed it and then graduation na niya, I was invited. As cliche as it may sound, I am the kind of girl na nagppray for signs, and the first sign happened nung graduation day niya. I was shocked , but then again, wala naman na nangyari after that. We have our priorities firsts na kailangan muna namin gawin and being in a relationship is not one of them that time. I remember we had our awkward talks again, about It is not yet time, we should enjoy first our singleness and do our responsibilities first. This was the time na I was sitting in a bus and crying, I even ask my bestfriend ela if she could give me a hug. Masasabi ko na this was the time na naiintindihan ko naman pero naiyak pa rin ako, nasaktan, ito yung time na I really tried to distance myself, I did not communicate, umiwas ako, I really prayed hard kay Lord to help me na tanggalin yung feelings ko, I started saying to myself na baka hindi talaga kami possible. I programmed myself na hindi talaga kami pwede, baka we were just meant to be friends, but I still prayed then na Lord if it is your will, then may mangyayari something before December 2018 ends, and if wala maybe Lord I really need to forget what i feel. During those times, I hold on to a Pastor's saying "Kung hindi pa kayo handa, kalimutan niyo muna yung isa't isa" and natuto akong maging independent, natuto akong ihandle ang emotions ko, masasabi ko na mas nagmature ako, And when i learn how to enjoy being single, hindi ko na naisip yung pains, frustrations about relationships.
Then before December 2018, the Lord answered my prayer, my plano talaga siya na hindi ko magets noon, My bestfriend started courting me and another sign happened. I can't believe it at first, akala ko napressure lang siya, baka nagkakamali or whatever, I was really hesitant nung una, di ko alam ano mararamdaman ko. I even talked to my parents, our spiritual leaders and then eventually naniwala na rin ako. It feels surreal, hindi ko talaga naisip na pwedeng mangyari samin yun, Then we started going out together, minsan with friends, hindi kami nagligawan sa text literally, we were still the magkaibigan na hindi parating magkatext, because were like that. Then came February 17, 2019, in our Heart's day party in church, He got a surprise, a confession in front of our church mates, I am not a fan of crowds but I was very thankful that time, I felt so special. Then few months after a friend of ours and a cousin of mine had a dream about us. The dreams were different, so I consulted our head pastor, I told him about the dreams and also my dreams when I was still in college, And He told us to wait, don't rush. and I was like,"Lord eto na po pero hindi pa din?". It was hard kasi di namin alam saan lulugar, ano kailangan namin iact, and after few months nung natuto na kaming ienjoy kung ano ang meron kami, ienjoy yung courtship stage, people started asking us "Ano na?", "Di pa ba kayo" and we would just smile at them. Then came my birthday, I got a birthday surprised again, and the last sign that I asked from God happened. While we were waiting, maybe you'll ask me kung di ba ako nainip? hmmm, maybe yes at some point naiisip ko na bakit kaya hindi pa pwede? or bakit hindi pa kami? pero I have that peace and assurance na galing kay Lord. Pinanghawakan ko yung Isaiah 60:22 "In the right time, I, the Lord will make it happen"
And Yes, it's true that when the time is right the Lord will make it happen. Last February 22, 2020, it's official. My bestfriend for 15 years became my boyfriend officially. Our church has an event and yeah I was surprised again for the nth time. It was a heart-pounding moment for me, unforgettable, priceless. That moment I was just so thankful to God, I feel so blessed.
And yes, I am officially in a relationship. Tomorrow will be our second month. It has been 8 weeks, 58days,1401 hours, 84 060 minutes, 5 043 600 seconds, since I said "Yes" to be his girlfriend and I have no regrets. I pray that God will continually be at the center of our relationship, and be our guide always. I also pray that we will continually be a blessing to all the people around us. May God be always glorified in our relationship, and may we always be a good example to the next generation.
I will end this with a simple advice,
ECCLESIASTES 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Learn to wait. Trust God. Trust that He will never forget His promises to you. He has prepared someone who is best for you. Never settle for anything that is less than God's best. For the meantime, while you are waiting, Let God mold you, make you the right person for your right one.
